As my Positive Focus moved into its second week, I felt really good. I thought I had made some good progress last week, and had figured out what was most needed to improve. But I hit some road blocks this week. I should have expected this, because whenever I make a statement of intention to change something, it seems all the tests to that very thing start to come out.
And yet, I was nice to others. I barely vented to any inanimate objects, and I was pretty forgiving of myself. This is what counts as progress, because in the past this combination of things would have sent me spiraling into all of my worst habits.
Challenges Staying Positive #1: Depression
The weather was gray pretty much all week around here. It got really cold. I was alone a good part of the time. Since I deal with periodic bouts of mild depression, I wasn’t surprised that this combination of winter onset and challenge resistance brought my elevated mood to the ground. Over the years I have learned to adapt to these lower mood periods. I consider them part of my creative process, and often they proceed a very big leap forward in an idea, situation or period of productivity.
But understanding how the process works doesn’t make it any easier when you are feeling down. I doubted myself. Progress halted on pretty much all of my projects. This made me feel even worse about myself.
And yet, I was nice to others. I barely vented to any inanimate objects, and I was pretty forgiving of myself. This is what counts as progress, because in the past this combination of things would have sent me spiraling into all of my worst habits.
Challenges Staying Positive #2: Fear
Doubt crept into every part of my life. I feared I could never, would never really make meaningful changes. The future seemed so full of challenges, and full of so many things I wanted to do, that I was afraid I wouldn’t be strong enough to face it all.
Challenges Staying Positive #3: Lazy Habits
This fear prompted me to waste a lot of time online, and watching some old tv shows on streaming. I talked myself out of doing some work because I convinced myself I had not done enough preparation and therefore it wouldn;t be very good.
I realized I had fallen into old eating habits as well, eating things that were familiar and comforting, instead of things I knew would bring me more energy and help with my fitness goals.
Several nights I stayed up later than I needed to, browsing around on YouTube mostly.
I really need to work on staying conscious of my goals and what is good for me.
Challenges Staying Positive #4: A Question of Magnitude
I have some really big ideas for my life, my work and my home. They are things I know will make my life better, and I know that while doing them will be difficult, it will give me a great sense of satisfaction to work on them all. But I am a big picture person by nature, and looking at everything to be done is overwhelming. I either tend to get overwhelmed and focus on escapist things, or I start fantasizing about the end result without doing the work to get there.
The Good About Week 2
A pretty negative post about my week of trying to stay positive, no? The truth is I did not make much of any forward movement this week, but I became very aware of the patterns that I naturally fall into. This has proven extremely helpful. I am learning how to get myself to focus on one thing at a time. My strong desire for all of the projects I want to do will get me to do them if I keep reminding myself of the why.
I believe these off weeks and days and periods of life are unavoidable. I think sometimes your mind and spirit are trying to play catch up. Sometimes I have overestimated what I can get done. The most positive thing that happened this week is I nipped the downward spiral in the bud. No beating myself up about it. I am excited about the next week.